Why You Cry When You Get Mad, According to an Expert

Picture this: You’re in the middle of a frustrating and exhausting conversation with a family member, and all of a sudden your eyes well up. Crying is usually associated with sadness, not anger. So why does this happen? We asked Grace Lawton, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist, to get to the bottom of this. 

Why do I cry when I get angry?

“Crying when you are angry or frustrated is very normal, even if you don’t want to be crying or it feels dissonant in the moment,” Lawton explains. “All emotions are trying to tell us something, and anger is usually trying to tell us that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our values are being compromised, or that our needs are not being met.”

One key reason people cry is because anger isn’t the only emotion involved. “[Anger is] usually a secondary or coexisting emotion to feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, anxious, or vulnerable — all feelings that we would associate with tears. So when we are angry, crying is the natural release of all that intense underlying emotion,” Lawton notes. It might also be easier to process and express anger compared to those other emotions. That’s because “it is less vulnerable to be angry than sad or hurt,” says Lawton. 

She also explains why some people have the same reaction to anger as they do to sadness or joy: “The sensations we feel in our bodies are often similar when experiencing different emotions. For example, your body may feel energized, warm, and antsy when you are excited and also when you are anxious — two different emotions with the same sensations. Tears are normal for a variety of feelings — including anger.”