Women in the workplace have made serious strides over the last 50+ years, and it’s not unusual to see us in high-earning leadership positions across industries. In fact, according to UBS’s “Own Your Worth” survey, 30% of women in a heterosexual relationship are the breadwinner, or primary earner, in their household.
Cue confetti emojis, right? Not so fast. That survey also found that women who are their household’s primary earner are much less engaged in financial decision-making at home than men breadwinners.
It turns out that progress at the office can’t always compete with traditional gender roles in relationship and family structures. Below are a few of the obstacles women breadwinners told UBS they face when it comes to embracing their financial clout, along with some ideas from us for overcoming them.
PS: The research found that while women breadwinners who are in same-sex couples face some common challenges, a lot of struggles are more closely tied to traditional gender roles in heterosexual couples. For the purpose of this article, we’re focusing on challenges for women who are primary earners in heterosexual couples.
1. Many women who are breadwinners have mixed feelings about it.
For many women, being the primary earner doesn’t feel as good as you might think. Fewer than half of the women surveyed said that they prefer being the breadwinner, compared to 87% of the men breadwinners surveyed. Women were also far less likely than men to agree that it was natural for them to make financial decisions for the family as the primary earner.
Women breadwinners aren’t always vocal about their family’s earning dynamic, either. Many of them say their social circle assumes their male partner is the primary earner…and that no one corrects that assumption.
What you can do about it
While it’s tough to challenge centuries of ingrained ideas about gender, there are things you can do to push back on them. If it’s early in your relationship, don’t wait to talk to your partner about your views on gender and finances, and be honest about your own beliefs. That can help you both respond well if one partner starts to make more than the other down the line.
If you’ve been together for a while, brushing up on personal finance topics that could impact the whole family — like retirement planning, emergency funds, tax planning, and budgeting — can empower you to play a bigger role in money-related decisions. Talking to a financial advisor who is well-versed in the unique challenges women face is a great first step.
2. Many non-primary earning men wish the roles were reversed, and their insecurities can lead to trust issues.
Women breadwinners don’t just have to handle stress from their job. They often contend with their partners’ insecurities about their earning status too. That’s because most non-primary earning men say they wish they were the breadwinner, and many say that this causes tension in their relationships. Men who are not primary earners also report being less trustful of their partner’s spending and investing habits. This lack of trust can mean that women who bring home the proverbial bacon aren’t as involved in long-term financial family decisions.
What you can do about it
If trust around financial decisions is an issue in your relationship, transparency may be the answer. Resources like a shared budgeting app could help you both feel fully informed about your household’s financial situation. You can also try scheduling money dates where you open up about financial stats and long-term goals, and consider meeting with a financial advisor as a team.
3. Many women breadwinners do more household labor than their non primary-earner spouses, leaving little time for anything else.
In the days of yore, dads went to work (and were primary breadwinners) and moms did all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Even though many women now make more money, they…still do all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare.OK, not necessarily all of it — but UBS’s survey did find that compared to men breadwinners, women breadwinners take on much more at home. Beyond the tension this division of labor may cause, it also leaves women breadwinners less time to weigh in on family finances.
What you can do about it
The best way to work towards a more equitable division of labor in your household is to talk to your partner. Reference scripts like these to help you prep for the conversation. You could also point your partner to resources and articles — this is a helpful one — that help explain tasks you do that they may not be aware of.
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Career success, and the money that comes with it, doesn’t guarantee that women get more say in financial decisions at home. The good news: Honest conversations, educational resources, and help from savvy financial professionals can help you embrace your financial clout. Read more about the challenges women breadwinners face and how UBS is committed to helping women on their financial journeys — regardless of their earning status — in the full report.
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