Muting the mom group

The latest in parenting news, tips, and trends:

Why parents may have a hard time finding the updated COVID-19 shot for kids and anticipated RSV shot for newborns. Cue: Insurance coverage issues.

WSJ’s reporting that discovered children are dying in ERs that aren’t prepared to treat them. Plus, where you can find hospitals ready to help kids near you.

Why one mom is saying 'not today' to her mom group chats. We've all been there.

How JetBlue will now make sure kids 13 years and younger are assigned a seat next to an accompanying adult — for no additional fee. Now that’s a first-class change.

One mom's realization that her childhood wounds were affecting her parenting. It’s time for some self-nurturing.

Last week, we asked you to vote on a question to answer. The winner was:

How do I make sure my firstborn doesn’t feel left out after the new baby arrives?

FEATURED EXPERT:

Katie K. Lockwood, MD, MEd

Pediatrician at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia

“Make sure the older children know they’re still special. You can do this by scheduling dates with them. For example, I took my son to our coffee shop for a chocolate milk and donut, where we talked about things other than his new baby sister. These moments let your firstborn know that you [will] still make time for them and that they have your undivided attention.

“Show them pictures of themselves as babies so they can see that they were once just as little and cute. Talk about how the things that the baby does remind you of them. This creates a joyful moment with them as the focal point, while also celebrating the cute things that babies do and siblings share.

“You will likely have many visitors, and while they are there to see the baby, make sure they acknowledge your big kid too. If grandparents or friends ask what they can do, answer that they can entertain your big kid or hold your sleeping baby so you can sneak away for quality time with your big kid. 

“It's also important to keep their schedule as similar as possible to their usual routine. Kids find comfort in routines, and they will enjoy having their usual friends and teachers around them during this time of big transition.”

Parent-centered advice, recs, and resources.

Tips for Bonus Parents and Navigating Challenges

Most challenges you’ll face are common in the same way that families without bonus parents have growing pains, but there are some things that will be unique to bonus or step parents, says Shadeen Francis, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Some tips to help work through challenges: 

• Don’t force a relationship: If there’s an ongoing relationship with a biological parent or previous partner, it can bring up loyalty conflicts for children, says Francis. As a bonus parent you don’t want them to feel like they have to choose. Remember: A bonus parent isn't a replacement, it's an addition.

• Be patient: It takes time for families to bond and feel a sense of security, so don't feel discouraged if it doesn't happen immediately, says Francis. It can take years for a blended family to find its rhythm. 

• Show compassion: If you’re joining a family that went through a loss, separation, or divorce, try to extend empathy. Share that you know the family dynamics are changing. Compassion can go a long way for kids, says Francis.

• Lean into what you offer: Over time, look for opportunities to add your unique influence. Think about what makes you special. Are there routines or special moments that you could share or create for the family?

• Remember you and your partner are a team: Check in to see how you can support one another, says Francis. Maybe your partner can act as the translator when it comes to understanding your new family’s culture.

Playtime With Dads Can Help Kids Succeed in School

Children whose fathers read, play, sing, and draw with them could have an advantage once they start school, according to a new UK study of nearly 5,000 households. Just 10 minutes a day could make a difference. 

The study found that a father’s involvement — in activities like reading, listening to music, painting, and playing sports — at age 3 helped increase their kid’s educational outcomes at age 5, and their involvement at age 5 was linked to higher success at age 7. 

The study also points to different parental impacts on kids. Dads’ involvement was linked to educational success, whereas mothers’ involvement impacted cognitive behavior. Doing the same activities with moms helped reduce hyperactivity and enhance children’s peer socialization skills, as well as their emotional, conduct, and pro-social behavior. 

“On average, in two-parent opposite sex households, mothers still tend to assume the primary carer role and therefore do the most, but if fathers actively engage in childcare too, it significantly increases the likelihood of children getting better grades in primary school. This is why encouraging and supporting fathers to share childcare with the mother, from an early stage in the child’s life, is critical,” wrote study authors. Can’t argue with science.