Grief Doesn’t Care That It’s the Holidays

Grief Doesn’t Care About the Holidays

The most wonderful time of the year can feel anything but wonderful after you’ve lost a loved one. Whether it’s your first or 15th year without them, grief has a way of surfacing more intensely during this time. And when your mood doesn’t align with the expectations of the season, it’s natural to feel isolated. We’re here to help you through it. 

Everyone grieves differently 

The way you mourn won’t look the same as anyone else. For some, this season triggers feelings of nostalgia and reflection that can make grief feel especially heavy. For others, there may be moments of intense joy and gratitude. Accepting both can be difficult. “Grief is with us always,” says Gina Moffa, LCSW, a therapist and author. It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.

Your move

Here’s some advice from grief counselors and Skimm’rs: 

1. Give yourself permission. “Permission to do what you want to do, to say ‘no’ … to feel joy … to cry,” says Sherry Cormier, PhD, a psychologist and author.  

2. Think ahead. Moffa suggests coming up with a plan A, B, and C for events you’re worried about. If plan A is attending a holiday party, plan B might be leaving early, while plan C could be staying home. If you’re comfortable, tell the host about these plans in advance.

3. Start a new tradition. It could be as simple as revisiting a place that was special for your loved one.

4. Take time for yourself. Skimm'rs suggest making a bucket list of things that bring joy, going for walks, avoiding social media, and volunteering. 

If you're looking to support someone who's grieving but aren't sure what to do — it’s normal. “Society has not taught us how to be present for grievers,” says Moffa. Her advice: be authentic and acknowledge the loss. "Don't be afraid that you're going to remind somebody of their loss...because 100% of the time, it's on the person's mind, and they feel alone in it."

Read more about coping with grief during the holidays. 

We asked you to vote on a question you’d like answered. The winner was:

When should I consider taking anxiety medication? 

FEATURED EXPERT:

Alicia Hodge, PsyD

A licensed clinical psychologist

“If someone is significantly experiencing anxiety to a level that is reducing their function — meaning attending work, noticing a strong decline in their social engagements … medication may be the best avenue. 

“Oftentimes people wait until … [their anxiety is] extremely bad to seek out assistance. I've had people come to me and say, ‘One thing I regret was not exploring this sooner because it did give me that relief.’ … That's why it's important to have a trusted provider … because they are meant to be collaborating with you.”

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. You can read the full story here.

Catch up on the latest health news, tips, and trends.

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Forward this to a friend. Click here.

This week, Skimm Well writer Serena McNiff tested a device that supposedly helps with stress, anxiety, and sleep.

What we tried: Moonbird — A hand-held “breathing coach”

Where you can find it: Moonbird.life or Amazon 

What it'll cost you: $199

What to expect: No, it’s not what it looks like. But Moonbird may also bring good vibes. It makes those stress-reducing but boring breathing exercises like box breathing more fun by signaling when to inhale (as it expands) and exhale (as it contracts). There’s also an app that allows you to select the duration and type of exercise and track stats like your heart rhythm and heart rate variability. 

My go-to exercise is called “falling asleep,” and since I’ve been doing it I’ve noticed I doze off much faster. I like using it sans app because the metrics can be confusing to interpret, and watching my heart rate fluctuate isn’t exactly relaxing. 

Bottom line: While my nervous system is grateful for Moonbird’s help, I do wonder if there’s a cheaper way to breathe easy. 

Since it's gift-giving season, we're sharing our top health and wellness gift recs through the end of the year. Enjoy.  

For your sober-curious sibling...

Get them Noughty nonalcoholic sparkling wine. This is our editor's go-to because it’s organic, tastes like normal wine, and has all the fizz without the fuzziness of a hangover. Cheers.

“Boyfriend air”

— The idea that spending time with a new partner makes you somehow look worse. Is it the air or your partner’s three-in-one shampoo?