Kate Hudson On Handling Big Feelings, Picky Eaters, And Co-Parenting

Don’t we all want to know how moms… well… mom? Kate Hudson — mother of three, actress, podcast host, Fabletics co-founder, and singer (who just released her debut album) —  let us in on her views about parenting. She takes us through how she co-parents, the “nesting” approach, why she doesn’t negotiate with her kids, and what she wishes she knew as a first-time mom. Let’s get into it:

theSkimm: What’s your take on motherhood in one sentence?

Kate: “I need two sentences. And I’m sorry if this sounds like a cliche: But first, it’s simply the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. Second: There’s no such thing as a perfect parent.”

Before we do the thing where we ask you all about your kids — let’s talk about you. 

theSkimm: What’s your go-to act of self-care?

Kate: “Tuning in to myself. It might be just sitting [sic] at a wall for several minutes, but it’s different every time. We women manage so much. 

“We manage not only the practical side of things, but the emotional side of things, as well, while also having careers and being breadwinners. We have to be everything to everyone. When I want to take care of myself, I try to just listen to myself and understand what I need in the moment.”

theSkimm: How do you find balance? Does it even exist?

Kate: “Absolute balance probably doesn’t exist, but I believe that enforcing balance is the best way to find it. I’m very strict about setting boundaries of all sorts – with work, friends, and even family. It’s easy to let the pressures of life allow the boundaries to become blurred… But, I’ve found that if you stick to your guns, people will understand and accept your need for calm and space.”

Now, jumping into parenting 

theSkimm: Any parenting advice you wish you were told when you had your first child?

Kate: “More than parenting advice, I wish I had known more about divorce. The more I think about it, and along with the research I’ve read, I find it interesting that we think it’s okay for kids to be going back and forth between parents and households all the time. I have very specific feelings about that and I wish someone had told me more about that earlier on. I’m rather intrigued by the ‘nesting approach.’

“I think it's really important to think about the unit as it takes on a different form when you aren’t with your partner anymore. If I was going to do that again, I think I would just nest. When you’re older, it’s easier to move around. But kids need their environment. They need their room, they need their home and they need to feel that safety.”

theSkimm: How do you calm your kids when they’re having big feelings?

Kate: “I stay really calm and say ‘I can’t wait to hear everything you’re feeling and to get into all of this, but first you’re going to have to take some deep breaths.’ That’s how I always approach things, especially with the younger kids when they get worked up. I think it’s good to just let them process their own feelings before I delve into it all with them.

“I also don’t believe in negotiating with children. That’s one thing that I’ve always been strict about. There are rules and privileges and you have to earn those privileges. There’s no negotiating. Sticking to that is very hard, but that’s something that I really strive to do — stick to things that are non-negotiable.”

theSkimm: You’ve spoken about your co-parenting skills, and how that part of your life has brought you closer to your children’s fathers over the years. How do you handle tough co-parenting moments?

Kate: “The unit that I've created with three children and three different fathers is a seriously strong unit — and it's ours. We actually don’t have many tough co-parenting moments because my friendships with my exes are quite solid and we’ve managed to keep focused on the love we have for our child. And by now we’ve gotten quite good at co-parenting. Love and what’s best for the child must always come first and somehow we’ve managed to keep that at the forefront, even when there are disagreements. And then, of course, Mom is always right.”

theSkimm: Switching gears a bit, are your kids picky eaters? 

Kate: “I always want to maintain their privacy, but I think being a picky eater is hard for kids and I do have a picky eater in the house … Food is fuel, of course, but it’s also common for kids to go through phases. It’s something I talk to their doctors about all the time. 

“But, the food thing is hard. … My number one thing is how you introduce your kids to food. If you’re able to garden with them, look at books about food with them, take them to the grocery store  — letting them be a part of the process gets them excited about it. I also think that if you have time to make healthy food fun, that’s always =helpful.” 

Let’s end on a lighter note. 

theSkimm: What’s the last thing you do in your youngest — Rani Rose’s — bedtime routine?

Kate: “Rani loves a little guitar song. So, I bring my guitar into her room before bedtime and sing to her. Right now, she’s really into ‘Mamma Mia!,’ so ABBA is big on the playlist. I do soft, slow versions of ABBA songs and, of course, Taylor Swift. She LOVES a good Taylor Swift song. 

“But lately, she’s been into sad songs. She’s very ‘emo’ these days, which is fun because she loves to feel things in big ways. She also loves eye masks. So, she sleeps with an eye mask on, which is my favorite thing to see. I peek in when she’s asleep and she always has her eye mask on.”

theSkimm: Favorite song to sing to your kids?

Kate: “My mom always sang ‘My Favorite Things’ to us from the ‘Sound of Music.’ So that’s a big one in our house. I used to sing Joni Mitchell’s ‘The Circle Game’ to Ryder every night. James Taylor’s ‘You’ve Got A Friend’ is another, and ‘When You Walk Through A Storm.’ Those are some of my favorites. 

“But, as they got a little bit older, those turned into  ‘“Creep’” by Radiohead and some Deftones songs turned into lullaby songs and then a little SlipKnot.”

theSkimm: Your Mother’s Day wish this year?

Kate: “I’m actually going to be working this year on Mother’s Day, but it’s going to be something really fun, so I’m very excited and I’m taking the kids. I can’t talk about it yet, but I’m going to sing a song somewhere and my hope is that, after that, we can go home, and it’s a beautiful sunny day, and I can just have a picnic with my babies. I just want to get cozy and chill with my kids, and I want to shower my own mom with a ton of love and some champagne, too. That’s it."