Constance Wu waitressed her way through her 30s in Hollywood while trying to book acting gigs. After multiple rejections, she felt crushed. Then – she decided to shift her mindset by detaching her self-worth from her jobs. That shift unlocked a lot for her – and it helped her find her voice, even as she navigated through trauma, shame, and the pitfalls of Hollywood.
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On What Changed After Letting Go of Results
Constance: The second I made that decision, it changed all my auditions. Because I stopped going into my audition seeking results and with the anxiety of trying to get the job. I was like, my job is to go into the room in this audition and fully realize the character. That's it. It's the same thing as if I'm going to acting class or I'm in conservatory. Same thing. And the second I did that, the second I stopped having expectations and that I need to get the job, my work was better. And then I started booking roles. But you can't pretend. You have to genuinely believe that you are okay being a waitress for the rest of your life, genuinely, in your heart of hearts. I tried faking it for many years. But once it became a true belief when I was 30, that's when everything changed.
On Being Empathetic to People who Hurt Her
Constance: Choosing to grow your empathy and awareness of people rather than choosing to place judgment I think is a good exercise for us all. It was an Asian actress, a former colleague of mine, who was the one who tried to convince me to kill myself essentially. And I'm trying to extend my empathy even to her. I forgive her because if I'm asking people to engage in a little curiosity and empathy over my experience, I need to do that to other people too. Including the person who tried to get me to kill myself. I don't know what she was going through at the time, you know? What some people do is not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of their own insecurities and their own issues. So I try to do that in my book to all the characters.
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