Putting something on your to-do list isn't enough to get it done. Because you don’t always know where to start or the steps you need to take. Skimm Scripts gives you the words, spreadsheets, or templates you need to get things off your to-do list...and get on with your life.
To navigate the world as a nonconfrontational person is to experience a special kind of hell. Even the slightest snarky comment can make your palms sweat. So how do you deal with these interactions without completely melting down or running away? Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, licensed psychologist and author of The Insecure in Love Workbook, helped provide scripts to get through some disagreements that can come up.
But I'm terrified of confrontation.
Dreading conflict often comes from insecurity and placing our values in what others think, says Becker-Phelps. That means they control your worth. If your value comes from others, then confrontation can make us feel threatened. She recommends practicing more self-compassion and reflecting on how confrontation makes you feel (embarrassed? angry? scared?) to get more comfortable enduring conflict.
How do I deal with confrontation?
You're looking for the most peaceful way to resolve the conflict, says Becker-Phelps. Often, a disagreement is easier to resolve than you think, but you just need to address it in stages:
Stage one: Be clear but polite.
Stage two: Repeat your request.
Stage three: Up your assertiveness and state your plans for following up.
Stage four: Go directly to an authority (if applicable).
Every situation is different, but it doesn’t hurt to have a few phrases in your back pocket when conflict comes up. Here’s what to say when…
Your neighbor is blasting loud music
“Can you please turn down the volume on your music?”
“Looks like a great party. I don’t want to be a bummer, but the music is still too loud for me. Can you please turn it down a bit?”
“Like I said, I’d appreciate you lowering the music, but just so you know, I will call the police if you don’t.”
A coworker steals your idea at work and pretends it's their own
“That was a really good idea, but do you realize you took it from me?”
“I would like you to tell our boss this was my idea.”
“I'm really not comfortable with this. Just so you know, I'm going to be following up with our boss to give them some of my other ideas related to this.”
Your boss or coworker asks you on a date
“No, thank you.”
“I'm not comfortable with that. Please don't ask again.”
“I need you to stop bringing this up. If you don't, I'm going to talk to your manager.”
Your friend, partner, or family member crosses a boundary
“I’m not comfortable with [insert their action]. Please don’t do it again.”
“If you continue to [insert action], we will have to spend less time together.”
Your boss asks you to do something outside your job description
“I like the work we're doing together, but that makes me uncomfortable. It feels like it's beyond the bounds of the job.”
“I'm not comfortable with doing that. It’s outside of my job description.”
Another parent accuses your child of something they didn’t do
“I'm sorry that [insert action] happened. I was watching my child, and it wasn't them.”
“I'm not comfortable with this situation, and I’m going to leave now.”
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When the thought of an argument makes you want to hide, it can be hard to find the right words to say. These scripts can take some of the pressure (and, hopefully, anxiety) off your next confrontation.
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute a medical opinion, medical advice, or diagnosis or treatment of any particular condition.
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